Platonic Love: What It Is, What It Isn’t, and Why It Matters More Than You Think
Platonic Love Gets a Bad Rap
In a culture that glorifies romantic milestones—first kisses, relationship labels, weddings—it’s easy to overlook the kind of love that doesn’t come with candlelit dinners or “relationship status” updates. But for many people, platonic relationships are some of the most meaningful connections they’ll ever experience.
Whether it’s a best friend who feels like your life partner, a deep emotional bond with someone you’re not physically attracted to, or a connection that defies easy labels, platonic love challenges the idea that intimacy must be romantic or sexual to be real.
And yet, so many of us struggle to understand—or even name—these kinds of relationships. We wonder:
Is this just friendship, or something more?
Can a platonic relationship be just as important as a romantic one?
What does it mean to love someone without wanting to date or sleep with them?
If you’ve asked yourself any of these questions, you’re not alone. Interest in platonic love is growing—especially among queer folks, neurodivergent people, and those exploring ethical non-monogamy or relationship anarchy. More and more, people are craving emotional intimacy that doesn’t follow the traditional script.
In this post, we’ll unpack the meaning of platonic love, explore how it differs from romantic or sexual relationships, and celebrate the many beautiful, nuanced ways people connect outside of romance.
What Is Platonic Love?
Platonic love is a deep, emotionally intimate connection between people that isn’t based on sexual or romantic attraction.
The term “platonic” comes from Plato, who wrote about love that transcends physical desire. In its modern sense, a platonic relationship refers to a bond based on mutual respect, affection, trust, and emotional closeness—without the expectation of sex or romance.
This might look like:
A best friend who feels like your soulmate.
A deep connection with a co-worker you confide in.
A long-standing friendship that carries emotional intimacy and care.
Define platonic relationship? It’s love without lust. Commitment without expectation. Intimacy without entanglement.
Platonic Love vs Romantic Love: What’s the Difference?
Let’s clear this up, because this is one of the top questions:
What’s the difference between platonic love and romantic love?
It mostly comes down to intention and attraction.
But here's where it gets messy: human relationships don’t always fit neatly into categories. And that’s okay.
Can a Platonic Friendship Become Romantic?
Short answer: yes. Long answer: it depends.
Some people search for “platonic to romantic” transitions, wondering if emotional closeness is a sign of something more. But not every platonic connection is meant to “evolve.” Sometimes, trying to push a friendship into romance can damage the intimacy it already holds.
That said, some of the most meaningful romantic partnerships do begin as platonic friendships—especially in queer and neurodivergent communities, where love doesn’t always follow a linear script.
Bottom line: It’s okay to stay platonic. It’s okay to grow into romance. The key is communication and consent.
What Does a Platonic Relationship Look Like?
So what does platonic love actually look like in real life? It’s one thing to define it—but another to recognize it in your own connections. Whether you're questioning the nature of a close friendship or just curious about what makes a relationship truly platonic, here's how this kind of bond often shows up day-to-day.
It might look like:
Texting someone daily just to check in.
Feeling safe being emotionally vulnerable.
Celebrating each other’s wins with deep joy.
Offering each other comfort, physical affection (like cuddling or hand-holding), or even cohabitation—without it being romantic.
Yes, platonic couples are real.
In some communities (like queerplatonic or relationship anarchist circles), platonic partners even build shared lives together, raise kids, or co-own homes—without the assumptions of traditional romantic commitment.
Why Platonic Love Deserves More Respect
Platonic love often takes a back seat to romantic relationships in mainstream culture. Think about how many songs, movies, and books glorify romantic love. Now ask yourself: how many stories center on platonic intimacy?
And yet:
Platonic friendships are often longer lasting than romantic ones.
They offer crucial emotional support and companionship.
They provide a blueprint for healthy emotional boundaries, especially for folks healing from trauma or relational wounding.
In fact, many people in ethical non-monogamy (ENM) communities place a high value on maintaining platonic love alongside (or instead of) romantic relationships.
Common Myths About Platonic Love (And Why They’re Wrong)
Myth #1: "One of you must be secretly in love."
Not true. Not every emotionally deep connection has hidden feelings. Some people are just wired for intimacy. As humans we are more than capable of deep intimacy that doesn’t involve romantic love. This tends to be a projection from individuals who feel that everyone they like should also be a romantic/sexual partner— that like automatically equates to a romantic/sexual partner category. That in of itself, is an unhealthy way of viewing people. Platonic relationships are absolutely real, and they’re also essential for emotional well-being.
Myth #2: "Platonic means distant or cold."
Quite the opposite. Many platonic relationships are more emotionally expressive and affirming than romantic ones. At first glance it may seem like a platonic relationship is somehow more sterile or less intimate than a traditional romantic relationship, but it’s often the opposite. The platonic nature of it allows for a longevity and safety that can actually deepen the bond.
Myth #3: "It’s just a phase until you find your real partner."
Platonic partnerships can be lifelong, deeply fulfilling, and just as “real” as romantic ones. Not every relationship has to culminate into romantic love. In fact, it’s important in life to have stable, solid, relationships that aren’t primarily centered on passionate love. Those relationships carry us through life when often, our romantic ones end. The idea that a romantic partner should be our everything is also a recipe for disaster. —It’s not only healthy to have platonic relationships, but vital for overall emotional well-being.
Who Is Platonic Love For?
Literally everyone. But it’s especially meaningful for:
Queer folks who may not always follow heteronormative dating scripts.
Neurodivergent people (ADHD, autistic, highly sensitive) who crave depth, honesty, and sensory-safe connections.
People in polyamorous or ENM relationships, where love isn’t confined to one relationship structure.
Anyone healing from attachment wounds, seeking connection without pressure.
Platonic love offers a chance to explore emotional intimacy without the baggage of romance, and for many, that’s liberating.
“Platonic Romantic Relationships”: Yes, That’s a Thing
If the idea of a platonic romantic relationship sounds like a contradiction, you’re not alone. Most of us are taught that romance and platonic love live on opposite ends of the spectrum—one filled with passion and kisses, the other with high fives and emotional support. But in real life? The lines are often much blurrier.
For many people—especially in queer, neurodivergent, or ethically non-monogamous communities—platonic and romantic feelings aren’t always separate. You might feel a deep, committed, and even romantic bond with someone, without ever feeling sexually attracted to them. You might do things with your platonic partner that look “romantic” to the outside world—like going on dates, cuddling, celebrating anniversaries, or building a shared life together—while still identifying the relationship as non-romantic or non-sexual.
These relationships don’t always fit the boxes of friendship or romance, and that’s exactly what makes them so special. They expand our understanding of what love can look like—and invite us to stop measuring the depth of our relationships by how “couple-y” or sexual they are.
So, what exactly is a platonic romantic relationship? Let’s break it down.
For some, the terms “platonic” and “romantic” aren’t opposites—they’re intertwined. A romantic platonic relationship might include:
Deep, expressive affection
Rituals of closeness (like date nights or gift-giving)
Shared identity as a partnership
The key distinction is the absence (or intentional exclusion) of sexual dynamics.
In many queer and neurodivergent spaces, these kinds of bonds are normalized and celebrated.
Final Thoughts: Reimagining Love Outside the Box
There’s no one right way to love. Whether you’re in a romantic relationship, a committed platonic partnership, exploring ethical non-monogamy, or simply trying to make sense of a deep emotional connection that doesn’t fit traditional labels—your experience is valid.
Platonic love reminds us that intimacy doesn’t have to look a certain way to matter. It challenges the assumption that romantic or sexual relationships are the most meaningful kind of connection—and opens up space for love that is expansive, creative, and deeply personal.
As we continue to question old relationship scripts and carve out space for emotional closeness on our own terms, platonic relationships offer a powerful reminder: love isn’t about fitting into a mold. It’s about showing up, staying present, and building something honest—whatever form it takes.
If you’ve been asking yourself:
What is platonic love, really?
Am I in a platonic relationship… or something more?
Can I have a partner who isn’t a romantic partner?
You’re not alone.
We’re in a cultural moment where more people are questioning traditional relationship roles and seeking new ways to connect. Platonic love offers a roadmap for intimacy that’s expansive, liberating, and deeply human.
Because at the end of the day, love isn’t defined by what we do with someone—it’s defined by how we feel with them.
Exploring Connection in All Its Forms?
If you're exploring platonic intimacy, ethical non-monogamy, or redefining what love looks like in your life, I’d love to support you. I offer affirming therapy for individuals and couples across the spectrum of neurodivergence, queerness, and non-traditional relationships.
Reach out here to begin your journey toward deeper, more authentic connection.