The Most Common Open Relationship Rules and How to Set Yours
Designing an Open Relationship That Works for You
In 2025, relationships no longer mirror the relationships of our parents and grandparents. The uptick in women’s rights, invention of birth control, and the technological revolution among other things, have significantly contributed to how we view romantic partnerships and what we expect from them. With the focus shifting from security and stability to fulfillment and passionate love, relationships are evolving, and more people are exploring non-monogamous relationship structures that align with their values and needs.
While traditional monogamy remains the norm, ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is gaining visibility as an intentional and consensual alternative. Many couples find themselves considering ENM as a way to reignite the spark not only within their relationship, but within themselves. Open relationships—one of the many forms of ENM—require clear communication, mutual trust, and well-defined boundaries to thrive. Whether you're considering an open relationship for the first time or looking to refine your existing dynamic, understanding the most common rules can help you and your partner create a fulfilling, sustainable connection.
What Is an Open Relationship?
An open relationship falls under the broader category of consensual non-monogamy (CNM), where partners agree to engage in sexual and/or romantic relationships with others while maintaining their primary connection. Unlike affairs, which involve secrecy and betrayal, open relationships prioritize honesty, consent, and transparency.
There are different variations of open relationships, including:
Polyamory – Partners have the capacity to form multiple romantic and sexual relationships.
Swinging – Couples engage in sexual activities with others, often in social or organized settings.
Monogamish – Primarily monogamous but with occasional outside sexual encounters.
Relationship Anarchy – A non-hierarchical approach where partners define their own relationship structures without rigid societal expectations.
Regardless of the structure, setting clear agreements helps ensure that all parties feel secure and valued. Below are some of the most common open relationship rules and guidelines to consider when designing your relationship.
1. Define Sexual Boundaries
Sexual boundaries are crucial to identify and define. When boundaries aren’t clearly communicated, misunderstandings and hurt feelings can arise—especially if one partner unknowingly crosses a line the other hadn’t yet identified as important. Boundaries help partners establish comfort levels and avoid misunderstandings. Discuss and clarify:
Types of sexual activities that are allowed. (e.g., Is penetrative sex okay? What about BDSM?)
Where encounters can happen. (e.g., only on trips, never in your shared home)
Whether casual hookups, repeat partners, or known individuals are allowed.
How frequently outside encounters can occur.
Being specific and negotiating these boundaries together helps build trust and ensures that both partners feel respected.
2. Establish Emotional Boundaries
It is equally critical to discuss any emotional boundaries you and your partner may have before embarking on an open relationship. Emotional connections outside the primary relationship can be more complex to navigate. Discuss questions like:
Are romantic feelings with other partners acceptable? If so, to what extent and are we on the same page about what constitutes, romance, attachment based behaviors etc.?
Do outside connections remain purely sexual, or is emotional intimacy allowed? How do we ensure this is being followed?
How will you manage jealousy and emotional processing? What protocol is in place when a partner feels hurt or jealous? (i.e. Do we stop the openness? With a particular partner?)
Every relationship has different levels of comfort regarding emotional bonds, and it’s important to openly communicate evolving feelings as the relationship progresses.
3. Define the Different Degrees of Boundaries
Rather than relying solely on a predefined list, explore what situations might make you uncomfortable and categorize them into:
A firm “No”—something that does not align with your values or comfort levels.
A “Not Now”—a boundary that may shift with time, trust, or experience.
A “Yes, with communication”—something that is okay as long as it’s openly discussed and monitored.
Communication is key. Being specific and negotiating these boundaries together fosters trust, ensures mutual respect, and strengthens your connection.
4. Prioritize Safe Sex Practices
Expanding your relationship also means expanding sexual health considerations. Protecting yourself and your partners should be a non-negotiable rule. Key aspects to discuss:
Use of protection. (e.g., condoms, dental dams, PrEP)
Frequency of STI testing and sharing results.
What level of risk is acceptable to both partners?
Establishing clear agreements on sexual health not only keeps everyone safe but also fosters a sense of responsibility and trust.
4. Maintain Radical Honesty & Transparency
The foundation of any open relationship is honest communication. Secrecy can lead to distrust, so both partners should agree on:
How much detail to share about outside encounters.
Whether partners will disclose new relationships before or after they begin.
How often updates or check-ins will take place.
While some people prefer full transparency, others may find too many details overwhelming. Respect each other’s communication preferences while ensuring honesty remains at the core.
5. Schedule Regular Relationship Check-Ins
A thriving open relationship requires ongoing conversations. Just like monogamous relationships, non-monogamous partnerships evolve over time, and check-ins allow partners to:
Reassess boundaries and agreements.
Process emotions, jealousy, or concerns in a safe space.
Ensure the primary relationship remains a priority.
These conversations should be scheduled at regular intervals—whether weekly, biweekly, or monthly—to create a structured time for reflection and recalibration.
6. Nurture the Primary Relationship
While open relationships allow for outside connections, the primary relationship still requires attention and care. Setting aside quality time together ensures that both partners feel valued and emotionally fulfilled. Consider implementing:
Intentional date nights.
Weekend getaways or quality time without outside distractions.
Ongoing emotional check-ins beyond structured conversations.
A well-maintained foundation helps reinforce trust and security, making the open relationship feel supportive rather than destabilizing.
7. Be Open to Evolving & Adjusting
No relationship is static, and what works today might need adjustments tomorrow. Be open to revisiting and modifying agreements as experiences unfold. Some partners find that their comfort levels change over time, and that’s okay! Keeping flexibility and mutual consent at the forefront ensures that your relationship remains healthy, fulfilling, and adaptive.
Final Thoughts: Communication is the Key to Success
Open relationships, like all relationships, thrive on communication, respect, and shared understanding. There is no single right way to structure an open relationship—it’s about what works for you and your partner(s). By defining boundaries, fostering transparency, and prioritizing connection, you can create a relationship dynamic that is both rewarding and sustainable.
If you and your partner are considering opening up your relationship, taking the time to discuss expectations, set ground rules, and check in regularly will help ensure that everyone involved feels valued, secure, and fulfilled.