Am I Neurodivergent? A Guide for High-Masking Women Exploring Autism and Sensory Sensitivities
Many women go through life believing they are neurotypical, only to later realize that their sensitivities, social exhaustion, and deep focus on interests might actually be signs of neurodivergence. With increasing awareness around autism and ADHD in high-masking women, more people are beginning to ask: Am I neurodivergent? This blog explores the overlooked traits of neurodivergent women, from stimming behaviors to sensory sensitivities, and why so many have gone undiagnosed.
Why More Women Are Asking This Question
If you've ever found yourself wondering, Could I be autistic or neurodivergent?, you’re not alone. For years, autism and other forms of neurodivergence were primarily studied and diagnosed based on traits observed in men, leaving countless women overlooked. With more information now available—and vibrant conversations happening online—many women are starting to recognize patterns in themselves that point to neurodivergence.
From sensory sensitivities to "masking" behaviors, understanding your experiences can be a powerful journey toward self-discovery and self-compassion. This blog is here to guide you through the traits and behaviors that might signal neurodivergence, especially in high-masking women.
Why Are Women Often Missed in Neurodivergence Diagnoses?
Historically, diagnostic tools for autism were developed around male behavioral patterns. Women and girls were often overlooked because:
Masking Behaviors: Women are often socialized to fit in, leading them to suppress neurodivergent traits.
Cultural Expectations: Women are expected to excel in social and emotional skills, masking difficulties with social interaction.
Bias in Research: Early autism studies primarily focused on boys, leading to diagnostic criteria that didn’t account for the unique ways autism presents in women.
Misdiagnoses: Many neurodivergent women are misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, or borderline personality disorder due to overlapping symptoms.
These factors contribute to why so many women don’t discover their neurodivergence until adulthood.
What Is Masking?
Masking, or camouflaging, is when a neurodivergent person suppresses or hides their traits to blend in socially. For women, this might look like:
Rehearsing conversations to appear more "natural."
Mimicking the behaviors, speech patterns, or interests of peers.
Suppressing stimming behaviors like fidgeting or tapping.
While masking can help you navigate social expectations, it often leads to exhaustion, burnout, and a sense of losing touch with your authentic self.
Signs You May Be a High-Masking Woman
1. Sensory Sensitivities
Do certain textures make your skin crawl? Are you easily overwhelmed by loud noises, bright lights, or crowded spaces? Sensory sensitivities are common in neurodivergent people and may have been dismissed as "quirks" when you were younger.
2. Social Exhaustion and “Hangovers”
Many high-masking women describe feeling drained after social interactions. If you've ever needed hours (or days) to recover from a party or a work meeting, you might be managing sensory overload or masking fatigue.
3. Deep Focus on Interests
Have you ever become completely absorbed in a hobby, topic, or activity? While this passion might have been dismissed as "obsessive" or "nerdy," it can actually be a sign of autism. Neurodivergent people often find comfort and joy in “special interests.”
4. Stimming Behaviors You Didn’t Recognize
Stimming, or self-stimulatory behavior, helps regulate emotions and sensory input. Common stims include:
Hair twirling or nail picking.
Tapping fingers or toes.
Doodling repetitively.
These behaviors are natural and valid ways to self-soothe.
5. Difficulty with Executive Functioning
Do you struggle with planning, organizing, or starting tasks? This "task paralysis" is common in neurodivergent individuals and may have been misunderstood as laziness or procrastination.
6. Hyper-Empathy or People-Pleasing
Many neurodivergent women are deeply empathetic, picking up on subtle emotional cues. While this can be a strength, it might also lead to people-pleasing behaviors or emotional burnout.
7. Feeling “Different” Your Whole Life
If you’ve always felt out of step with others or described yourself as "quirky," this could be a sign of neurodivergence. Many women report feeling like they’ve had to “fake normal” to fit in.
Is That Really Stimming?
You might have noticed little behaviors—tapping, humming, or repetitive movements—that help you feel calm or focused. While society often associates stimming with children or more obvious behaviors, many women stim in subtle ways. These could include:
Pacing while thinking.
Playing with jewelry or clothing.
Repeating favorite phrases or songs in your head.
Stimming is a natural response to your environment, whether it’s to soothe, express excitement, or process sensory input.
Why Self-Diagnosis Is Valid
For many women, self-diagnosis is an empowering step. It allows you to explore your identity without the financial or emotional barriers of a formal diagnosis. While a clinical diagnosis can provide access to support and accommodations, it’s your choice whether or not to pursue one. Doing your own research and evaluating what criterion or descriptors resonates with you can be affirming enough.
How to Explore Neurodivergence Further
If you’re ready to dive deeper, here are some steps to consider:
Read Books and Articles: Look for resources written by neurodivergent women to gain insight.
Join Online Communities: Platforms like TikTok and Reddit have vibrant discussions about high-masking autism in women.
Seek Therapy: Work with a therapist familiar with neurodivergence to explore your identity in a supportive space.
How Therapy Can Help High-Masking Women
Therapy can be a transformative space to:
Process the emotions tied to discovering your neurodivergence.
Develop strategies to reduce burnout and sensory overload.
Unmask in a safe and gradual way.
As a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC) in NYC, I specialize in supporting women navigating these questions. Whether you’re seeking validation, tools for self-care, or a space to explore your neurodivergence, therapy can help you find clarity and confidence.
Your Journey Is Valid
If you’ve spent your life thinking you were neurotypical, it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions as you explore the possibility of being neurodivergent. Remember, your experiences are real and valid—whether you choose to seek a diagnosis or not.
If you're ready to learn more or explore how therapy can support you on this journey, I’d love to help. Contact my NYC-based practice to schedule a session today. Together, we can navigate your next steps with compassion and care.