How Do I Learn to Love My Body?
Learning to Love Your Body is a Journey, Not a Destination
In a society where beauty standards are tightening their death grip through the means of social media, plastic surgery, weight loss drugs, and influencer culture, many women in their 20s and 30s struggle deeply with body image and self-acceptance. We are bombarded with messages that our worth is tied to our appearance, leaving us feeling inadequate, disconnected from our bodies, and searching for a quick fix to self-love. But here’s the truth: learning to love your body is not a destination—it’s a lifelong practice.
Managing Expectations: There Is No Quick Fix
Many people come to therapy hoping for an urgent solution to their body image struggles, wanting a tool or strategy to instantly flip a switch and make them love their bodies. But consider this: how many years have you spent internalizing negative messages about your body? It’s unrealistic to expect that years—even decades—of conditioning can be undone overnight. Healing your relationship with your body is a long-term process—one that may take 5-10+ years, but that doesn’t mean change isn’t possible. It simply means that body love is not a one-time event but an ongoing commitment.
Rather than seeing body acceptance as a short-term goal, it is more useful to frame it as a lifelong value—something you actively engage with in different ways throughout your life. The goal is not to love your body perfectly every day, but to cultivate an ongoing relationship with it based on acceptance, care, nourishment, and respect.
It is also important to acknowledge that self-love isn’t the only goal. Body neutrality—the idea that you don’t have to love your body, but you can respect and care for it—can sometimes be a more accessible mindset, especially on hard days. Some days, love might feel like too much of a stretch, but compassion and neutrality can still be an option.
Beyond “Tools”: The Fluid Nature of Body Love
It’s common for clients to ask, “What tools can I use to love my body?” While there are many helpful practices, it’s important to understand that body love isn’t just about tools—it’s about an ongoing, evolving relationship. The way you practice body acceptance today may look different from how you practice it in five years, and that’s okay. There is no one-size-fits-all intervention.
For example, let’s say you need to buy a dress for a wedding. In the past, shopping experiences have been triggering—the fitting room mirrors, the unflattering lighting, the pressure to find the “perfect” outfit. Rather than walking into that situation unprepared, you can cope ahead to make it more body-friendly:
Identify the triggers in advance. Are dressing rooms overwhelming? Are certain cuts or sizes difficult to face?
Reframe the experience. Instead of blaming your body, remind yourself: “Not all clothes are made to fit my body. That is a failure of the fashion industry, not a failure of my body.”
Take care of yourself beforehand. Make sure you’re not hungry or low on energy, as physical discomfort can increase body distress.
Control what you can. Only bring sizes that respect your current body into the fitting room. Choose stores with better lighting and comfortable environments.
Bring a support person. A trusted friend or loved one can offer perspective and reassurance.
Give yourself permission to walk away. If shopping feels too overwhelming, remind yourself that you don’t have to force it—it’s okay to take a break.
Body love isn’t about never feeling triggered—it’s about learning how to navigate those moments with kindness and self-compassion.
Gratitude: Shifting the Focus from Appearance to Functionality
One of the most effective ways to cultivate body appreciation is to shift the focus from how your body looks to what your body does for you. Instead of scrutinizing your body for what you wish were different, practice gratitude for the ways your body supports you daily:
“I am grateful that my legs allow me to walk and explore the world.”
“I appreciate my arms for allowing me to hug my loved ones.”
“I am thankful for my breath, which keeps me alive.”
“I recognize that my body is doing its best to keep me healthy.”
This approach helps detach self-worth from aesthetics and instead reconnects you with your body’s purpose beyond beauty.
Attuned Body Care: Treating Your Body with Respect
Loving your body is not just about how you feel—it’s also about how you treat your body. Caring for your body as if it is valuable (even on days you struggle to believe that) reinforces body respect:
Eating nourishing foods that make you feel good.
Prioritizing rest and sleep to support overall well-being.
Practicing mindful substance use rather than engaging in behaviors that harm your body.
Engaging in joyful movement that feels good rather than punishing workouts.
Wearing comfortable clothes that honor your body as it is now.
Your actions can lead your mindset—even if you don’t fully love your body yet, treating it with care can help shift the relationship over time.
Cognitive Reframing: Challenging Internalized Beliefs
If you’ve ever been bullied for your appearance, whether by family, peers, or society, it’s worth asking: Why do I continue to bully myself in the same way? Many women reject external misogyny but still internalize the same toxic beliefs.
One way to break free is by tracking negative thoughts about your body and working with a therapist to challenge and reframe them. You don’t have to accept every critical thought as truth—instead, you can observe, question, and replace them with more compassionate perspectives.
The Key Takeaway: Progress Over Perfection
Learning to love your body is not about achieving perfection but about building a healthier, kinder relationship over time. You don’t need to overwhelm yourself with doing everything at once—small, consistent progress adds up. Before you know it, years will pass, and you’ll realize you are no longer where you once were. Body peace is possible—it simply requires an ongoing commitment to treating yourself with kindness.
There are opportunities every day to be gentler with yourself. Whether through a kind thought, an act of self-care, or simply choosing to challenge a negative belief, every small step matters. And that is how body love is built—not overnight, but through a lifetime of self-compassion and intention.