How to Date in Quarantine

Is it Even Possible?

Yes! If you’re like me or my clients, you’ve struggled to figure out how to begin or continue dating given all of the health precautions and restrictions in place. Fear not. Covid does not mean we have to pause our lives. It simply means we have to think outside of the box to continue to grow. I’ve heard several people exclaim, “You can’t date now; my dating life will be halted indefinitely.” That is simply not true and a defense to the vulnerability that dating naturally calls for. If you’re curious about how to date in quarantine, read on.

Begin With Determining What You’re Comfortable With

First, its important to consider what you’re actually comfortable with in the time of Covid. Some of us live with family, friends, or roommates who are high risk. Some of us are high risk ourselves. Some of us live alone. Some of us are in rural areas distanced naturally from others, while some of us are living in cities. In so, we’re all going to be assessing risk slightly differently. Ask yourself: am I comfortable doing a face mask walk date? Am I okay doing outdoor dining? Am I okay sticking with virtual FaceTime dates? This may also vary as the impact of the pandemic itself changes in spread and infection rates, or as the vaccine is rolled out. Identify what format you feel most comfortable with. Nothing wrong with 30 min video chat dates in the comfort of your own home! Come up with whatever containers you want and get creative! There are no rules written in stone when it comes to dating, just a lot of cultural norms we’ve all bought into and haven’t questioned for some time.

Stand By Your Own Boundaries!

Don’t be afraid to own what you’re comfortable with. One of the reasons why I am such an advocate of dating is because I consistently find it to be a doorway into the self. If you notice yourself having trouble setting a boundary for the kind of date you feel safe having ask yourself, why? Additionally, some of my clients, and myself included, have broached the weird dilemma of “It’s so freaking cold, should we take this first or second date back to one of our places just to not be freezing?” It’s an odd dilemma. We don’t want to skip steps in the mysteries and containers of getting to know a stranger, but also: It’s freaking cold! I’d advise you to come up with a boundary pre-date with yourself and communicate this to your date. Again, this may change depending on the person you’re chatting with, but always decide beforehand and don’t be afraid to own it!

What If I’m Not Comfortable Meeting Anyone Right Now?

For a handful of my clients, they’re simply not ready to consider doing any in-person dates, and even virtual dates seem a bit daunting. Again, fear not! There is a lot of internal work you can do when it comes to dating in order to still be productive in that realm of your life. How? For starters, you can meditate and reflect upon what you’re looking for. Write down all of the attributes that come to mind when you think of your ideal partner. You may also take inventory of your own positive and negative attributes to gain more self awareness about what you’re bringing to the table. Practice messaging folks with the container of it being “just practice!” If you struggle with intimacy I might suggest reading, “Come As You Are,” or practicing sensual meditations on your own. Plan a date night with yourself to familiarize yourself with your sexuality. Read some erotic fiction, browse a kink website, or masturbate with curiosity to understand more fully what you really like in bed. Read up on ways to say, “No,” and practice your own lines for rejecting someone. This may include, “I had a really nice time tonight but I think I’m comfortable calling it in for now.” “I’ve appreciated meeting you, but don’t feel comfortable kissing right now.” “Oh. I’m not really comfortable with hand holding for now.” There are so many ways we can “prep” for the awkwardness of dating, before we actually go on dates. These examples only illustrate a few of the many ways we can continue to grow in our dating lives without risking our health.

Do NOT let Covid Halt Your Goals; Growth is Always Possible

If you’re curious to learn more ways to navigate dating during quarantine don’t be afraid to reach out. The current restrictions have been limiting, but it is a defense to convince ourselves that our love lives have to be on pause indefinitely. There are a plethora of ways to strategically date while remaining safe to your comfort level. And if you’re simply not ready to risk anything, try one of the individual exercises listed above. Dating is always about connection and as I always say: we can only connect to others as much as we are connected to ourselves. How can you connect with someone or yourself this week?

Happy Quarantine Dating!