Why Gifted, 2e, and Neurodivergent Adults Become Disillusioned and Nihilistic
The Idealist Vision You Had of the World Faded Early
You were told as a child to treat others the way you want to be treated. You read stories about good people triumphing over evil. You watched movies that ended with justice, redemption, truth. You believed in fairness. In kindness. In goodness. That’s what you were told the world was like.
But your high perceptivity allowed you to see behind the curtain from a younger age than your peers. The truth is: people don’t always mean what they say. Adults lie. Bullies grow up and become wealthy bosses, leaders, and influencers. Systems that claimed to protect you were built to extract, exploit, and discard. The world wasn’t fair. It wasn’t even trying to be. And you not only feel betrayed, but viscerally distraught about it compared to others.
If you’re gifted, twice-exceptional, or neurodivergent, this realization doesn’t just sting. It permeates your thoughts on a daily basis. You didn’t enter the world with casual curiosity, you entered it with insatiable curiosity. You entered with intensity, sincerity, and a deep hunger for meaning. You innately question e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. You meant what you said. You expected others to mean what they said, too. You held people to the same standards you held yourself to. Integrity. Depth. Vision. And you were devastated when they didn’t meet you there.
The Path from Idealism to Disillusionment
At first, you were confused. You thought maybe you were missing something. You gave people the benefit of the doubt. You tried harder, spoke more clearly, explained your thoughts with precision. But still, you were met with dismissiveness, misunderstanding, or surface-level platitudes. You started to realize people weren’t misunderstanding you by accident. They simply weren’t interested in understanding at all.
You felt your ideal vision of the world start to decay as the people and systems around you failed to uphold the values they purported to have. The people around you seemed motivated by social status. By ego. By performance. By doing what looks good rather than what is good. And even when they claimed to care about justice or truth, they often weaponized those values when it served them, then abandoned them the moment it didn’t.
You felt betrayed. You felt different, like an alien amongst everyone else. What gives? Why are people like this? Why is the world so fucked up? Why are people fucked up? Why do people act so fake? Why do they makes life choices that are so misaligned from themselves? — The hypocrisy and contradictions feel endless, and you have a penchant for looking at why things are the way they are. It’s no wonder you feel miserably disillusioned.
The descent to existential depression, nihilism, and disillusionment for neurodivergent/2e folks explained.
Withdrawal: The Adaptive Retreat
After getting burned by others, your expectations let down once again, you did what made sense and you pulled back. You stopped expecting much. You stopped opening up. You started to reject the world before it could reject you, your idealism, and your natural ways of being. You told yourself you preferred solitude. And maybe you did, at first.
Isolation became protective. You needed space because you felt so different from everyone else. Space to collect the thoughts, beliefs, and values you felt were true. Space to regroup and to stop hemorrhaging disappointment. But that space stretched. What was once a short-term retreat became a chronic condition. You stopped pursuing connection as much. You grew wary of new people and made more immediate judgements of others to self protect. You became more righteous in your views and simultaneously unsure of everything.
It became easier to sit in your own mind than to risk more upset and confusion conversing with others.
Emotional Loneliness: “No One Sees Me”
Eventually, the silence become pervasive and feels both loud and heavy. The days blur. You might go through the motions of life like work, errands, social pleasantries—but inside, you feel hopelessly alone, like an alien on another planet. Misunderstood by others. The bitterness begins to set in. No one really gets me.
No one wants to go where your mind goes. No one seems to ask the questions you ask. They take up interests in things you consider superficial. When they speak about their interests, they give the most generic and basic reasons for liking them. They seem to follow social norms blindly, chasing after the wrong goals. And when you ask them why, they respond with a hostility and defensiveness sending the message: YOU are the problem. So you start to wonder if you’re just too much. Too deep. Too intense. Too weird. Too idealistic.
You feel alien. Not just lonely, but cosmically misaligned. Like you were born on the wrong planet. Like there’s no real home for someone like you.
And over time, this turns into an insidious depression. Not always the kind that people notice. Sometimes it’s high-functioning. But inside, there’s a deadness. A flatness. A sense that life has already shown you its cards, and they aren’t worth playing.
The Descent into Nihilistic Despair
This is where things can get dangerous. By spending a lot of time alone, having resigned that anyone could truly get you, you stop dreaming. You stop trying to connect. You stop believing anything will ever feel different. The same wounds repeat, and each repetition confirms what you fear: the world is broken, people can’t be trusted, and maybe you don’t belong anywhere. Nihilism sets in and life feels meaningless.
Your brilliance feels more like a curse. Your higher perceptivity and sensitivity only show you what everyone else doesn’t want to see, so what’s the point? The hopeful, visionary part of you now feels like it’s all pointless—worn down by the uphill battle of caring in a world that laughs at your sincerity. This is the 2e spiral towards disillusionment and nihilism. And if you’re in it currently, know that you’re not alone.
How to Begin Crawling Your Way Out of Disillusionment
If any of this resonates with you, know that this doesn’t have to be where you end up forever— lonely, hurt, frustrated, disappointed, and wasting away your life and your gifts.
When I experienced this descent into disillusionment with the world, I found solace in an article on the meaninglessness of life. It didn’t solve any of the above. Instead, it simply shared perspectives and quotes from famous writers, poets, and physicists grappling with existence in the ways that I was. And it made me feel less alien-like to know that there were people who came before me, spending their lives questioning the same things. They died, and I will one day too. And something about reading their words contending with existential questions made me feel seen. And for the time being, that was enough.
I also came upon this incredibly validating and insightful book, “Searching for Meaning: Bright Minds, Idealism, Disillusionment, and Hope.” It explores how individuals with high intellectual potential grapple with deeper questions, require more meaning making, and often feel lonely and disappointed by others and the world. I’d highly recommend it to anyone reading this who feels alone and like life is meaningless.
Coming Back From Nihilism
As for restoring faith in humanity and finding ways to connect with others that dont leave you feeling disappointed— that’s a more difficult journey to convey in a simple blog. However, as someone who has walked this path myself, I do believe in the ability for 2e/neurodivergent folks to find their authentic footing in this absurd life. I believe you can lead a life that isn’t reduced to emotional loneliness and pervasive bitterness towards the systems and people ruling the world. Getting there is more complex though.
I once read from, Jonathan, the brilliant creator of the existential website, LiveReal.com, that “No one can do the existential math on life for you.” Though many people attempt to metaphorically turn to the back of the book for the answers. In many ways, that’s what religion is— when it’s simply passed down generation to generation, without individuals exploring if it actually makes sense to them. Or people wind up believing in stuff they don’t even realize have become their religion, whether it be sports, climbing a social status ladder, beauty, spending money and more.
Ultimately your spiral into nihilism is only the end if you let it be. — You CAN change your mind. Even if the world and people remain disappointing, even if it’s still difficult to find connection with others, to feel seen and understood. You can choose a different way of relating.
Choose How You “Push the Rock Up”
I often say, life is not about the fact that you’re condemned to push the rock up and have it roll back down every time, it’s about choosing how you want to relate to pushing the rock up…because you do get a choice. You get to choose if you push it up with bitterness, anger, self-pity, and envy. Or—you can choose to laugh with the universe at the absurdity of life, human nature (even your own), and enjoy the ride for what it is. You can choose things you still believe in, like creativity, little pleasures, leading with your intellectual insights, or aligning with individuals who value what you bring to the table.
Coming back from existential despair doesn’t mean lowering your standards. It means learning how to hold them without self-isolating and self-destructing, because you’re here aren’t you? May as well make it count. And dont feel like you need to immediately start embracing hope. Dont! Stay in existential no man’s land for as long as you need. But do consider what can metaphorically be your tarp or fire to keep you warm, as you wander alone, because nihilism can creep in and suck the life out of you.
A Reason to Hold Out Hope
Consider speaking with a therapist specialized in existential depression. Consider taking care of yourself, while you figure this stuff out. Consider, that even though everything you’re thinking and feeling feels so real and true and permanent, that maybe…just maybe, it doesn’t have to be this way for the rest of your life.
In my own sincerity I’ll say, I do believe there are people who can meet you where you’re at. There are spaces where depth is welcomed. There are ways to reconnect with your own sense of aliveness, curiosity, and even faith. At the same time, it’s worth asking: are you leading with a kind of guardedness or intensity that ends up confirming the very rejection you fear? — It may be worth looking at, though it tends to be a blindspot for many of us.
Once again, working with a therapist or joining group therapy even, can be a safe place to get feedback on how you’re co-creating the very disappointment you so desperately hate. Ultimately, if we want to change how we experience others and the world, we have to change how we’re showing up and relating to those things.
Ready to Connect?
If this spiral feels painfully familiar, if you're tired of being the one who sees too much, feels too deeply, and always ends up alone—let's talk.
At Attuned Therapy, I specialize in working with gifted, neurodivergent, and 2e adults who feel disillusioned with others and alienated from themselves. Together, we can build a new way of relating, one that honors your depth, rebuilds your trust in others, and helps you reclaim your life.
Alyson Curtis, LMHC is a therapist in NYC specializing in giftedness, disordered eating, neurodivergence, and relational healing.